#00 vs. e-ReK TOPICAL

[e-ReK]

due at your earliest convenience.

topic is of any choice.

line limit - nothing retarded. i know we usually write similar lengths anyways.

yeah. feel free to post some topics.

[#00]

czech.

[e-ReK]

yes. i'll get it sometime soon but i don't no show. JEEZ.

[e-ReK]

this will be up in the next few days. i have maybe a third done right now.

[Citadel]

...

[e-ReK]

i always post. unfortunately i spent my creative juices the past week writing a song vs. a topical.

[e-ReK]

quick shit im dead tired maybe i'll edit this after the battle

topic: scratch it out and start again

The Palimpsest

There’s a sheet of paper alone on the desk
If you happen to see it, you know what is best:
Suppress the hand that’ll answer the call
of the cancerous sprawl on the palimpsest.
We find the colors, filling in dyes
with hues of blue and vermillion skies
‘till gradient reds are glazing our eyes,
we travel blind through the maze of our lives;
Hoping to scar the flesh of the labyrinth
From Krylon to crayons we press on the palimpsest
Hoping the magnitude can foster and manage to
Damage the fabric, murder and manifest.
It’s beautiful - but it’s also cancerous…
And the truth is we’ve all had a hand in it -
Leave our fingerprints, following faithfully
We scribble and scratch causing our calluses.
Destroy and rebuild with a gracious pen
Fabricate fallacies while faces grin
And spin the bottle to kiss the model
Who tells you her make up is paper thin.
It’s beautiful - but it’s also cancerous…
Calling us, making us ask what was true
Leaving our fingerprints all over the palimpsest…

Realizing the only answer was you.

[Citadel]

Originally Posted by e-ReK

quick shit im dead tired maybe i'll edit this after the battle

topic: scratch it out and start again

The Palimpsest

first off I'd like to say that I really dig the usage of this word as title/theme. rare word to see

There’s a sheet of paper alone on the desk
If you happen to see it, you know what is best:
Suppress the hand that’ll answer the call
of the cancerous sprawl on the palimpsest.
I like the double rhyme, single non, single rhyme thing you got goin

We find the colors, filling in dyes
with hues of blue and vermillion skies
‘till gradient reds are glazing our eyes,
we travel blind through the maze of our lives;
Hoping to scar the flesh of the labyrinth
From Krylon to crayons we press on the palimpsest
labyrinth/palimpsest slant was dope

Hoping the magnitude can foster and manage to
Damage the fabric, murder and manifest.
It’s beautiful - but it’s also cancerous…
And the truth is we’ve all had a hand in it -
Leave our fingerprints, following faithfully
We scribble and scratch causing our calluses.
this section was worded very well. cool visual

Destroy and rebuild with a gracious pen
Fabricate fallacies while faces grin
And spin the bottle to kiss the model
Who tells you her make up is paper thin.
It’s beautiful - but it’s also cancerous…
Calling us, making us ask what was true
Leaving our fingerprints all over the palimpsest…
strong closer

Realizing the only answer was you.

Originally Posted by Three-Planes-Aligned

"The Ballad of John"

You'll find no grit tracing the arch of my backbone
- A standalone with a heart made of sandstone
Scar tissue-riddled - hard but brittle
- It froze in a blistering barrage of winter
It's a garden where the plants are dark and wilted
- And this thing called love simply won't prosper in it
I couldn;t quite get into the feeling of this opener as well as others I've read from you

The guardians here say I'm cold and detached
- An unsociable cat and a sociopath
A lordly act with his nose in the air
- So high, I risk expelling my soul through my ass
hahaha nice one liner. and the sociopath rhyme scheme is always fun

Intrinsically cynical - my sympathy's minimal
- Not giving a shit makes me a whimsical criminal
They say me giving a shit would be a biblical miracle
- A real original fed on sinister minerals
dopeness. unadulterated dopeness

Misfit in general - I refuse to die in prison
- Buzz blower of the most hampering style envisioned
My designs are simple - I'll hide and whimper
- I'll reside inside and dine on spirits
Subdued by liquor's caring caress...
- As it gives me the courage to care even less
I'll draw back and suppress - shave the hair off my chest
this is pretty vivid. I like it

- And wear ambition's extravagant mask on my face
In my lair in the depths - of scepticism, doubt
- With a doormat that says "get the hell out"
I'll sail away from this tale of travesty
My body double'll wave from cape normality
I'll sail away from this slave mentality
And that's my plan... to escape reality.

damn. strong closer there. bravo

e-Rek: I dug this piece, it definitely had it in the flow category. your structure was very well done imo. I like your word usage and how you stimulated the senses you know? nice on a fairly abstract narrative type stilo for some of it. overall I dug this a lot

3PA: honestly this picked up slower to my appeal than almost any other piece I've read by you. and my confidence in you was a little shaken in the beginning, but about half way through it took a drastic turn into very well structured concise poignant rhyme schemes and a crucial look at the disapproving introspective yet almost content man. sweet piece man

VOTE:3PA

but it was a close one.

well done to both you guys. fun reads